Agent Advice from Snark and Obscura

When you have little confabs at conferences, try not to panic. Agents, despite all evidence to the contrary, are human beings. Yes, we can leap tall buildings with a single bound, but then, you can invent entire worlds and people them with strange and fantastical creatures. Which is harder? exactly.

Now, when you meet someone for the first time do you say “hello would you like to hear about my book”? noooo. You say “hello, how are you”. Same is true here.

You’d be stunned how many people just launch into a pitch.

So, you say your howdies, then you say something like “what information is most helpful to hear about a book”? Then the agent says things like : what kind of book is it? how many words? who’s the hero? what challenges does the hero face? Is it first person present tense? Are aliens planning to arrive? etc.

Here’s the trick. Don’t talk about your book. Answer the questions. Take a synopsis. Take a sample page. Be prepared for the agent to say “I’d like to read it, here’s my card, send it to me”….ie don’t faint, don’t weep, and whatever you do, don’t throw up (Miss Snark is 0-3 on those).

Then, after you answer the questions, if you have more time, ask the agent for his/her opinion: a book she loved; a book she loathed; what websites she reads that she thinks are good; any advice she’d like to see every person follow while querying her. We ALL love to give advice and have people ask our opinions.

And remember, this isn’t an audience with Her Majesty the Queen of the Universe. It’s talking to an agent who watches American Idol just like you do (ok, not Miss Snark, but yanno, generally).

Agent Obscura

Q on Conferences -

Why do I go to conferences…
I like conferences. One, it gives me a chance to hang out with people who are totally into the same stuff I’m into. It’s hard to spend time in the “real world” (i.e. outside of work) talking about publishing because people don’t get it. They don’t get that you can’t just ask for a million dollar book deal and they certainly don’t understand how hard it is to write a good book. So, being surrounded by people who totally get it is a really nice change. Not that I want to LIVE in that world 24/7 — because it CAN be emotional exhausting to be “on” for a few days straight (which is why when you find a great conference where the coordinator doesn’t totally work you to the bone, you love and adore them and want to return again and again). Also, it’s a nice chance to meet other editors and — gasp — AGENTS! I mean, I have a reason to call and chat with editors. I don’t really get to chat with Agents that i don’t know unless we’re at a mixer together. So sometimes it’s nice to make new friends. Two, marketing/promotion of the agency name. Obvious… but I’m looking for authors, perhaps it won’t be the one I meet (who may already have an agent) but perhaps she recommends someone to me because we met. Three, I get to meet up with my clients at them and that’s always fabulous.

Things that will not happen at a conference…
I will _not_ offer you representation – in fact – unless you’re writing in a genre that I don’t even represent… I’ll probably ask to see a few chapters. It’s not a sign that I will offer you representation, it’s just me needing to read the book before I can tell what kind of writer you are. An editor won’t buy your book without reading it either, so it’s not just us editors…. I will never push you out of your seat at the end of the pitch session, but if time is up, please be considerate of everyone (me, the volunteers, the other authors) and get up and leave without needing to be crow-barred out of your chair.

Things that freak me out/tick me off at conferences:
When I ask for a manuscript and the author says, “Oh! That’s great -I have it right here!” — great, throw it in an envelope and mail it to me.
When I ask for a manuscript and then I never get it… ::pout:: Why do you tease me?
When I ask for a manuscript and then it’s sent to me without a cover letter and I have NO idea what it is or who the author is.
When authors start taping me without asking… Um, ew. Ask, I’ll say yes.
When authors ask the volunteers at pitch sessions, “Does she have another pitch after me?” (and then turn to me and say) “Cause I’ll stay…” EEK NO!!!
When authors won’t let me ask questions because they are in “pitch” mode. That’s so boring for us! Let us engage!!! We’re going to ask for it anyway – make an impression by letting me learn more about you!!!
When authors skip their sessions. ::sigh:: dull.
When authors sit down with me and gush about another agent that they just pitched to… I get jealous as much as the next girl, but it doesn’t inspire me to offer representation. I want to be the agent-love of your life, not your second blind date on a Friday night.
When authors introduce themselves with, “Hi I’m X, you rejected my book.” — Um. Sorry. I don’t remember (ever) and um… sorry?

What you can do:
/ You can read from a card. I don’t care – you’re writers, not public speakers — plus, memorizing pitches suck.
/ Come with questions about the industry – so we don’t stare at one another for five minutes. Take 2 minutes to pitch (please don’t go longer, I glaze over – no matter how cool your project sounds)… I’m happy to talk shop.
/ If you see me outside the pitch session say hello and introduce me to a friend. I’d appreciate that. If you see me (half asleep) outside the pitch session, say hello — but if I’m talking to someone else or actually sleeping (yes, it has happened)…don’t plan on having a brilliant conversation with me.
/ Sit with me at lunch – Although I’m hardly the best public-eater, I love to share silly stories and you can get a good idea of whether or not we’d mesh by some general conversation.
/ If there is a hot author/agent/editor there that I don’t know, and you do… feel FREE to introduce me ::wink:: (sorry, had to put that in there).
/ Have your manuscript ready to send prior to the conference, put it in the mail the minute you get home.
/ Know something about me, my agency, my clients before you pitch me. I’ll respect you more and then I don’t have to answer question like, “Do you rep romance?” when I’m sitting in a pitch session at a RWA conference. ::YAWN::

Never, Ever, Ever….
…is it okay to stalk outside an agent/editor’s room. Seriously.
…It’s not okay to say anything bad about anyone else. because if they aren’t standing behind you, their spouse/client/author/best friend is.
…well, other random stuff, but if you do that stuff, well… seriously… come on now. You know better.

XOXOXO

Caren from Literary Firebrand will be at the FCRW Conference March 31-April 1. Unfortunately she does not rep my genres of Romance.